My Heroes: An Essay by Charlotte H.

While showering this morning, I commented to Celia that I could probably grow a stylish handlebar mustache if I decided to let myself go. Become a true Nell. If you are a female and gasping to yourself- you know you have upper lip hair and don't kid yourself. If you are a male- yes, women have hair in hidden and embarrassing places, don't let your girlfriends lie to you. I have made Celia promise me that when I'm in a coma, she will make sure to rid me of my pesky whiskers and keep my brows shapely (maybe I finally have a chance to grow some out... damn you, trich).

So, the handlebar 'stache comment obviously led me to start talking about the infamous, and wonderfully perverse, Al Swearengen. This, in turn, led me to start talking about all of my media heroes, both characters and actors.

I'll start with the men and get to the women at a later date. Feminists, shut it.

Al Swearengen

Long live the king of mean! Swearengen, from HBO's prematurely cut series, Deadwood, ran the Gem Saloon/whorehouse, dealt dope, fought for women, pimped out his prostitutes and controlled the ignorant and powerless wanna-be miners that came to HIS camp. This guy had a voice like smoker on his death bed, a mouth as foul as your granny's Depends, and some serious political chops. To say that actor Ian McShane portrayed him brilliantly is a terrible understatement. Swearengen ruled Deadwood with an iron fist, yet often (and always privately) displayed a strong sense of personal morality. Haven't seen Deadwood? Rent it.
Famous Quote: "You can't cut the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would improve."

Christopher Walken

Whenever I mention to folks that Walken is my favorite actor, they balk at the idea. "But he's so strange!", "Omg, like no, he totally creeps me out". Ferme la bouche you fools. The man marches to his own beat and, despite being credited in over 100 movies, has never let The Biz change his naturally off putting temperament. He's got mojo. From his odd speech patterns to his obvious love of the dance, Walken has always captured my heart. He had me at "more cowbell".
Famous Quote: "I'd love to do a character with a wife, a nice little house, a couple of kids, a dog, maybe a bit of singing, and no guns and no killing, but nobody offers me those kind of parts."

Kevin Spacey

Come on. The man has a gift for stealing scenes and making movies hip. I'm most likely biased as hell seeing as how American Beauty is my favorite film by a landslide... but who else can make a death scene look so cool? Pull off a Nietzschian tail spin with such understated grace? Spacey merely lent his voice to the AI robot GERTY in Duncan Jones', Moon, and I found his complex portrayal more mesmerizing and layered than Rockwell's self-consumed, spiritual and physical meltdown. Spacey, come out come out wherever you are you big 'mo.
Famous Quote: "Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."

Until next time...